I am leaning into the discomfort here. *Takes deep breath.*
Something has held me back from writing a blog and being consistent with it ever since I can remember. Maybe it has been the fear that I don't actually have anything worth sharing, or that I'm not the wise authority on the matter, or that other teachers before me have written similar things time again and again and that I wouldn't have anything new to share.
Fears. However much a hold they have on my ego, it doesn't matter. That's the thing - the self-limiting beliefs that show up as fears are something I constantly share insights on with my clients and in my classes. And here I am, publicly expressing to the world: I have those fears sometimes too!
Rather than be halted in my tracks by uncertainty and fear, I'm leaning in, listening, and learning, and creating what DOES serve me. You see, there is a WHOLE lot of new in my life. And, in the collective consciousness, there's a mass fear-inducing worldwide shutdown and phenomena that has so much of what we love the most altered or closed completely. I deeply miss teaching in yoga studios, seeing clients for bodywork and yoga in the studios, holding workshops for bodywork around the states, and most of all, connecting with my community. My Sangha. In the absence of my community and amidst all this worldwide change, I decided it was time to live in a place that's always called to me: Boulder, Colorado. To hell with the fears and uncertainty. So, here I am - a new geographical state, a new internal state (HELLO discomfort and growth being jobless for months and so many egoic patterns to rewire), and even a new partner, dog, and lifestyle to adapt to in this new place.
There have been times where the fear and uncertainty has felt crippling here in Colorado. I have felt the deep sadness that comes along with emptiness, of friends, family, community, and the work I once had. I have felt the financial strain that no longer having my self-employed work has given me. I have questioned what is "right."
But, I'm not here writing to you to share the hardship as much as I am to share that: words and thoughts are MAGIC, and we all have the power to create our reality with our conscious (or unconscious) intentions. This means you can create your life. Seriously! It's only you that would get in your own way of that. Be mindful of the ways you speak and the thoughts you have in your head.
Some examples of this creative power in my life just since March and April: I left an unhealthy relationship that had my thoughts and self-image very low, and thus could leave a bustling city that didn't support my yearning for nature --> The opportunity for some family wounds to heal fell into my lap by living with them temporarily and being open to our dynamic changing --> All this made space for connecting with a long-time friend in a whole new way (and he's now the most incredible partner, ready to face the joys and the storms of life with me) --> We then manifested a beautiful 3 BR home in Broomfield Colorado together, and signing the lease "site unseen," once we aligned to divine timing. Everything has since felt SO right. This would not have happened if I believed I was stuck, unloveable, unworthy of a healthy family dynamic or a healthy partnership. By changing my thoughts, I changed my reality.
Now, the ways in which my thoughts and words will create my future reality here in Colorado are, you guessed it - entirely up to me. I now set the intention to create only those experiences that will bring me closer to my higher consciousness, aligned with peace and joy, and those experiences that will use my greatest gifts. I practice this intention every day and I align to its vibration. I call in the people and the work that will use me for the greatest good. To do this, I will continue my commitments to spend time consciously breathing multiple times each day, read inspiring and transformative books, meditate at least twice a day, and to move my body intuitively and systematically through Kriya.
I recognize I have immense gifts and that I am a natural teacher. And, in starting this blog on my website, I will be utilizing my innate creative power with words as well as my teaching abilities to share with you not just personal matters like this, but actual concrete practices and professional articles. Over time, here there will be a wealth of information for you that I have both experienced and collected. I share it freely with you, as I am not the author truly - I am the vessel for the universal transmission to be shared with you. It is my hope that through these writings, through my own learning and growth and journey, I can inspire you to awaken in ways that allow you to also see yourself as loved by the universe.
"The creator and created are one."
So, that's all for now. Coming to you on a beautiful afternoon from the wild, roaming foothills of the Rockies.
I'll close with a prayer that I cherish....
Please put me in the places you would like me to be,
doing the things you would like me to do,
with the people you would like me to be with.
I am grateful for the joys and challenges in my life.
Aho, Amen, Namaste, Sat Nam, WooHoo!